my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
