at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
