What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Shame - the story of my life.
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