He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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