It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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