what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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