hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
