think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
