I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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