he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
