They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
