I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just google imaged poop.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
