Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
