And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
