Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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