p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Randomize
