hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my being single is dangerous.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
