Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
