im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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