Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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