Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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