My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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