Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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