True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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