mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
