I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
