I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
