WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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