you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
