I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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