I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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