Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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