she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
