I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
