Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
