He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
