I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
