It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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