I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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