Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The ass gains better be worth it
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