i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
