How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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