I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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