well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
