ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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