Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
