Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
