My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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