Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
