omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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