Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
