Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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