she looked like the before picture.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
