she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
