didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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