After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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